Zipping Through

Sunday night, finally caught up with the poem writing.. And.. I have no idea what happened here! I used the Sunday Whirl prompt and well.. this happened: 


Zip
     Zip
         Zip

The swing we cling to

suspends

us in the air for a brief moment
s e c o n d s
and..

off it goes, zooming, zipping
'hang on to the strap!'

Liberating movement
Cascades, waterfall

The pleats of your skirt
unruffle in the wind but
you are giggling too much to worry.

The wind creates a barrier between us
I hear whistles and your choked voice but
We are making no sense and the wind carries our words away.

Words have no power.
Tough on you, grammar pedants!
No one will hear your cries.

The detail is in the diamond.
Us, here, now.
We are the diamond.

--

Disclaimer: These are poems I won't be spending a lot of time on. As such, I don't expect perfection (neither do I need it). However feel free to tell me what you think about them, and if you enjoy certain lines more than others - I'm quite OK with constructive criticism!

Are you participating in NaPo? Do you write poetry? Feel free to comment below and leave a link to your day one poems, and any general comments you wish to leave.

Comments

  1. Andy Sewina7 April 2014 at 00:10

    Love the introduction zip, zip, zip. And then the amazing conclusion - we are the diamond. Happy NaPoWriMo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kerridwen8 April 2014 at 11:55

      Thank you! Hope NaPo is going well for you too!

      Delete
  2. Old Egg7 April 2014 at 00:23

    Whatever happened it was very effective. The diamond presumably is where the action is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kerridwen8 April 2014 at 11:56

      Thanks! I'm glad it works a bit at least ;)

      Delete
  3. Dr. Pearl Ketover Prilik (PKP)7 April 2014 at 12:23

    Wow! What joyous ride... I can smell the frangipangi as I'm zipping along :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jae Rose7 April 2014 at 14:47

    I think this really unzipped and came forth sparklingly..

    ReplyDelete
  5. Truedessa7 April 2014 at 23:16

    I like how the poem begins with the zip I can feel myself on a swing..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kerridwen8 April 2014 at 11:58

      I'm glad it feels like that, thanks for commenting :)

      Delete
  6. humbird8 April 2014 at 15:30

    We are diamond! Super! :)xx

    ReplyDelete
  7. TALON9 April 2014 at 02:24

    The flow of this is marvelous. It just does zip right along and ends in the brilliance of diamonds. Perfect!

    ReplyDelete

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